It's a pretty obvious fact that God changes hearts. When there is something I want to see happen, I think to myself, "God knows the desires of my heart" and leave it there.
To be honest, when we first found out we were expecting in September we weren't terribly excited. Ian has been such a wonderful baby/toddler, that it would be good to go out on a good one. That five was about my limit as I had been feeling tired and run down for quite some time. I didn't want to have another baby in our small town home. I feel ashamed for having those feelings now.
But God, through the loss of our twins, has changed our hearts. He has made us WANT to let Him do His will with our family. We don't care if God blesses us with 10 or more kids or with none (although the latter seems weird).
We really want to have another little blessing to hold and snuggle. Another sibling for our kids who, I keep forgetting, are now missing 2 or more siblings. Even little Leah reminds people that "mommy's babies didn't make it".
So we pray for God to bless us again, when HE is ready. Whether it's in this house, or not.
I always say that even when it doesn't make sense to me, I know He is ultimately in control. I take comfort in that when I face situations that I just can't make sense of no matter how hard I try... it's HIS plan, not mine.
ReplyDeleteGiving thanks for what He's doing in your heart and in mine.
~k