tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998237220539982082024-03-12T20:07:42.944-05:00Short And SweetUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-21036826010217989392014-09-03T13:14:00.001-05:002014-09-03T13:14:49.940-05:00Bigger<p dir=ltr>This was from last week at 37 weeks 5 days. My next appointment is tomorrow so I'll have an update then. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-I20G2IiMlXg/VAdaliOrmiI/AAAAAAAABWI/gByejTqGHJA/s1600/IMG_20140830_165251.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-I20G2IiMlXg/VAdaliOrmiI/AAAAAAAABWI/gByejTqGHJA/s640/IMG_20140830_165251.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-6250464751574190402014-08-20T19:35:00.003-05:002014-08-20T19:37:29.607-05:00Another Kid In Double Digits: 'Little' NateMy 'little' Nate is a whopping 10 years old today. Double digits! A whole decade. I think he will forever be my 'little' Nate. <br />
<br />
At 10 he <br />
~ still LOVES math and will ask to do math work for fun<br />
~ will play with his calculator for hours<br />
~ doesn't like to watch TV<br />
~ has three pet fish that he takes good care of<br />
~ has a servants heart. He's always willing to lend a hand and does is happily <br />
~ has a tender heart. His feelings are hurt quite easily so he needs a bit more gentle parenting. He's also quite aware of others' feelings around him. <br />
~ has been an incredible blessing to our family. We love this little guy!<br />
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Oh, and one more thing. Why will he always be our 'little' Nate? This kid still wears size 7 bottoms. To be honest, the kid is goofy enough to try on, and fits into, his three year old brother's pants. Yes. Yes he does. And yes, we feed him. ;)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-36989620759469331262014-08-20T13:48:00.001-05:002014-08-20T13:56:03.042-05:0036 Weeks and CountingI'm tired.<br />
I'm huge.<br />
I hurt.<br />
All normal for 36 weeks gestation, 8th pregnancy, 6th child.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">33 weeks in the blue shirt and 35 weeks in the purple shirt. </td></tr>
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Baby has been hanging out breech or transverse for most of the second and third trimester. At today's appointment he was head down. Woot!</div>
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So far, he is measuring 7lbs7oz with a head circumference in the 98th+ percentile. Guesses are that he will be around 10lbs at full term. <br /><br />My biggest hurdle has been the pain and the mental aspect of it all. I've been seeing a chiropractor for most of my pregnancy. It's been such a relief. Unfortunately, I'm so far along with so much relaxin in my body that the adjustments don't hold very long. I might need a walker at some point if little man stays put much longer.<br /><br />Mentally, I'm trying to be positive. Trying to picture us holding a LIVE child this time around. We're prepping for bringing home baby and we'll go with that. <br /><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We will celebrate LIFE.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We will CELEBRATE life.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We WILL celebrate life.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-54026014224092023492014-07-31T11:12:00.001-05:002014-07-31T11:13:11.342-05:00One Day at a Time<p dir=ltr>33 weeks with our little man. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-bhuTQH9I6lE/U9prA0kWxtI/AAAAAAAABUA/xG4kIdXiX30/s1600/IMG_20140728_152816.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-bhuTQH9I6lE/U9prA0kWxtI/AAAAAAAABUA/xG4kIdXiX30/s640/IMG_20140728_152816.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-47087311861323297232014-01-06T23:00:00.000-06:002014-01-06T23:00:22.350-06:00Abundantly Blessed2013 was a VERY tough year for our family. Even though it didn't feel like it, God was with us every step of the way. He brought healing from hurt. He brought hope when everything felt hopeless. He had a plan for every. little. thing.<br /><br />It feels as though we lost more than just a life; we lost family and friends along the way. We felt abandoned when we needed them most. God brought wonderful things out of that, too. <br /><br />We moved in September to a rental house in the middle of St. Cloud. It's not where we necessarily WANTED to be, but God needed us here for SOME reason. Shortly after we moved, our truck started having issues. Turns out, we needed to replace our transmission. The estimate we received to replace it was roughly $2,000. This was certainly not in the budget. <br /><br />Back up to the beginning of September. Our church's Wednesday night program, RAD (<u><b>R</b></u>esearching God's Word<u> <b>A</b></u>nd <u><b>D</b></u>eveloping Godly Character) had begun. I LOVED helping out last year and felt the need to do so again this year. What was a truly wonderful thing hurt me. <br />
<br />
See, they didn't *NEED* my help. They had more than enough. Why would
that hurt, you ask? Well, I seem to need to be helping in some fashion
in order to feel good about myself. Yes, I <i>know</i> that isn't a <i>good</i> thing. But it was what it was. A friend had suggested I meet with
their group for a bible study that was happening at the same time so I did.<br />
<br />Well,
after the truck issue, I had asked for the group for prayers. We had been going down a rough road lately and I felt the issues with the truck
were going to do me in. Within a week or two, the truck was no longer
drivable and the kids and I were no longer able to make it to Wednesday
night at church. <br /><br />Not long after, some friends of ours let us in
a little something that some folks were going to do for us. They were
going to fix our truck!! They wanted to make it a surprise, but figured
we'd have an issue when our truck went missing. :P<br /><br />There was a
problem, though. I'm not used to receiving. *I'm* the giver. *I'm*
the one who helps. It's not the other way around. I'm not good at
asking for help and have a hard time receiving it. I immediately
thought, "how on EARTH am I going to repay them?". Anyone watch The Big
Bang Theory and know how Sheldon Cooper reacts towards gift receiving?
Yeah. That's where I go....<br /><br />The person who came to pick the truck up
and eventually replace the transmission was the leader of the small
group on Wednesday nights. I can only speculate who the other folks are
that pitched in but have a good idea. ;)<br /><br />What an amazing thing
that God worked out through this. How incredibly blessed are we by this
amazing group of people from our church? How GREAT is our God?!?!?<br /><br />Had I helped with RAD instead of joining the small group, these folks wouldn't have known our need. Had we not moved, a great group of people wouldn't have helped us out. I am in awe.<br /><br />I have prayed for 2014 to be an amazing year. I have prayed for God's direction and God's blessing on the next 359+ days. <br /><br />On January 1 our truck was fixed and home. Silly me: I wait until the day before the coldest day of the year to take a picture. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They were all FREEZING but I wanted a picture and they happily (kinda) obliged.</td></tr>
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<br />
Everyone is SUPER happy to be able to travel TOGETHER as a family again. While we were without our truck, a wonderful family from church borrowed us their sedan to use so we could all make it to church and family Christmas. <br /><br />Before we were loaned the car, we had several families picking us up for Sunday school/church time, Wednesday night programs and bible studies. We have been abundantly blessed by some terrific people at our church. <br /><br />Thank you ALL for helping us out in our time of need. Even if I didn't ask. Even if it was hard. THANK YOU!!<br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-9-6" id="en-ESV-28946">The Cheerful Giver</span></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-9-6">The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-9-7" id="en-ESV-28947"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-9-8" id="en-ESV-28948"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-9-9" id="en-ESV-28949"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>As it is written,</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-9-9">“He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-9-9">his righteousness endures forever.”</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="first-line-none top-1">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text 2Cor-9-10" id="en-ESV-28950">He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness.</span> <i><b><span class="text 2Cor-9-11" id="en-ESV-28951">You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.</span> </b><span class="text 2Cor-9-12" id="en-ESV-28952"><b><sup class="versenum"> </sup>For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God</b>.</span></i> <span class="text 2Cor-9-13" id="en-ESV-28953"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>By their approval of this service, they will glorify God because of your submission that comes from your confession of the gospel of Christ, and the generosity of your contribution for them and for all others,</span> <span class="text 2Cor-9-14" id="en-ESV-28954"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>while they long for you and pray for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-9-15" id="en-ESV-28955">Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">2 Corinthians 9:6-15</span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-68324748426865161092013-11-14T22:09:00.001-06:002013-11-14T22:37:16.664-06:00A Lot to Be Thankful ForA lot of negativity has been floating around in my head lately. A lot of sadness and self deprecating thoughts. I honestly don't know how to make them stop or go away. <br />
<br />
So I figured an ongoing list of blessings would be a good place to start. For as many times as the bad things and hard times get me down and make me sad, God has truly been good to us.<br />
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I am THANKFUL for (in no particular order);</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
~ <b>The love and grace of God the father and the redemption through Jesus Christ.</b> I sin daily. I don't always ask for forgiveness, but I'm learning to do just that. I'm learning to love like Jesus did/does. I'm learning grace. It will forever be an ongoing process. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~ <b>My husband of 11 years.</b> He has been such an amazing partner through this last year. I've seen him beaten down by sadness and yet he still picks ME up. I've seen him grow in the LORD and in godly wisdom and it makes my heart swell.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~ <b>My children</b>. God has blessed me with five AMAZING children here on earth and three that we will meet in heaven. I am thankful for their questions, for their eagerness to learn and their soft tender hearts. I am thankful, too, for their disobedience as it allows me to be changed. A sweet friend calls children 'little sanctifiers'. Oh man, is it ever true.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
~ <b>A house to live in.</b> It might not be ours, it might not be perfect, but it's a lot more than others have. It keeps up warm (kinda) and protected from the elements of good ole MinneSNOWta. It's big enough to have others gather in our home, which means so VERY much to me.<br />
<br />
~ <b>Friends</b>. They are our family. They have seen us through some downright dreadful things happen to us this past year and we COULD NOT have made it through it without them.<br />
<br />
~ <b>Our church family.</b> Our church has rallied around is this last year. We've met some phenomenal people who have helped us to grow, who have prayed for us, who have provided meals for us...the list goes on and on. We even have some wonderfully sweet people driving us to an from church and Wednesday night activities as our transmission is out on our truck. <br />
<br />
~ <b>A running/working vehicle.</b> Even if it is just one and even if that one won't fit the whole family. One is better than none, right? It still gets Todd to and from work. We're able to run our errands and get half the crew to church on Sunday.<br />
<br />
~ <b>Good health.</b> Aside from little viruses, we are all in good health. Well, that doesn't count Todd's back issues, but THAT is a work in progess.<br />
<br />
~ <b>Todd's job.</b> It isn't fancy but it pays the bills and put food on the table. Todd works hard and provides for his family. I am so proud of him. <br />
<br />
~ <b>Young Living Oils. </b> These oils have made the grief process tolerable/manageable. They have cut cold times down to a minimum, tamed Aspergers tantrums, shrunken Todd's heel spur, relieved pain in his ankles and back, soothed burns, cut out coughs, stopped grumbly tummies, gotten me off of prescription anti-depressants, allowed me to relax and sleep. Oh man, the list goes on. <br />
<br />
~ <b>Truth and honesty.</b> It takes a real friend to lovingly tell you what you need to work on and what you need to cut out. It takes a real friend to pray you through your hard times. <br />
<br />
~ <b>The bible</b>. So much wisdom and love is within it's texts. <br />
<br />
~ <b>Family.</b> As hard as this one is for me, there are a <i>*few*</i> people in our families who truly love us and wish the best for us, without conditions. I have come to learn that family doesn't always mean blood, and I will leave it at that.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-19359479643291664782013-10-28T22:18:00.000-05:002013-10-28T22:19:43.899-05:00Though You Ruin MeI've been trying to figure out what God is wanting me to learn through this last year. What on EARTH is going ON?!?!? <br />
<br />
It has all felt so meaningless. So miserable. SO HURTFUL!!!<br />
<br />
<i>Why would someone who loves me continue to tear me apart? </i><br />
<br />
I may never have that complete answer. What I do know, is that He's changing me. <br />
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<div class="heading passage-class-0">
<h3>
Romans 5:2-5</h3>
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<b>English Standard Version (ESV)</b></div>
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</b><b><span class="text Rom-5-2" id="en-ESV-28034"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>...and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.</span> <span class="text Rom-5-3" id="en-ESV-28035"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,</span> <span class="text Rom-5-4" id="en-ESV-28036"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,</span> <span class="text Rom-5-5" id="en-ESV-28037"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.</span></b><br />
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Hope. There is hope. Right? How do I feel it? When does it come? I will be able to rejoice in my sufferings.....<br />
<br />
Okay, so God is refining me. He's producing character. He's producing hope. <br />
<br />
What I know is that my God has suffered. He sent HIS son to die for sins I haven't even committed yet!! I know He's cried tears of pain. He knows. <br />
<br />
He Knows.<br />
<br />
A friend sent me a link to a youtube video which has been AMAZING for my heart. It's a song by Shane & Shane called "Though You Slay Me". It features John Piper. His message shoots me through the heart. PLEASE take a few minutes to watch it. <br />
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Seriously. Watch it....</div>
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<i>I come, God, I come<br />
I return to the Lord<br />
The one who's broken<br />
The one who's torn me apart<br />
You struck down to bind me up<br />
You say You do it all in love<br />
That I might know You in Your suffering</i>
<i><br />
Though You slay me<br />
Yet I will praise You<br />
Though You take from me<br />
I will bless Your name<br />
Though You ruin me<br />
Still I will worship<br />
Sing a song to the one who's all I need</i><br />
<br />
This has last year has been a TOUGH year. Lots of unknowns. Lots of ups and downs. Clinging to His word. His hope. What else is there? <br />
<br />
October 26th was the one year mark for miscarrying our first twin.<br />
November 25th was the day I delivered our second twin, leaving my womb empty. ACHING. <br />
November 27th was Solomon's due date.<br />
<br />
Please, friends, will you pray for us? Pray that we can see and feel this hope. Pray that we can see the SONshine through the rain. Pray that we can glorify God through all of this. Pray that we are open and accepting of His will for our lives. 'Cause I'll be honest, *I* feel as though I'm failing. Miserably. <br />
<br />
I know I'm a broken record sometimes, but I need to process a lot of this still. There are 5 women, whom I know personally and call friend, that are having babies in the next few weeks. One just had hers this past weekend. Add several more facebook friends to that list. Some I met on birth boards from previous pregnancies, and some from the November 2013 group. Can you pray that jealousy will not enter my heart? Can you pray for courage to congratulate these friends? Can you pray for the smallest mending of my heart? <br />
<br />
I am stuck and need strength.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-48911795158244695142013-10-23T21:30:00.001-05:002013-10-23T21:30:16.463-05:00This Is Our SonI struggle with wanting people to understand my pain and my fear that has come with our losses. I might just ALWAYS struggle with that. <br /><br />Many times I have wanted to share his picture, the only one we have. Out of fear of what they might say and for fear of rejection, I don't. Only a few people have been willing to see it. <br /><br />So I figured I would share it here, openly. If you want to see my son, scroll through. If you feel it would be too much for you, close this post and there will be no hard feelings. <br /><br />**Loss mommies, this might be a trigger....<br />
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Solomon Joseph went to be with Jesus at 16 weeks gestation</div>
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This is our son.</div>
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This is why I weep. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-87573058056707094952013-10-17T17:22:00.001-05:002013-10-17T17:22:34.716-05:00In Memory<p>Today was the memorial for babies lost in the last six months. There were a lot of people there. Far too many people who are hurting. </p>
<p>Lord, be with them. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-DrpxPSA1zHw/UmBjJmXtMGI/AAAAAAAABMk/XB_u_sl5Ve4/s1600/CAM00701.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-DrpxPSA1zHw/UmBjJmXtMGI/AAAAAAAABMk/XB_u_sl5Ve4/s640/CAM00701.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-35468501706237246462013-10-16T22:10:00.002-05:002013-10-16T22:10:55.698-05:00?<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">Tomorrow
is the memorial service that our hospital puts on for babies lost
within the last 6 months. My husband and I will be going. I've found
myself an emotional wreck the last few days; the tears come freely and
without end. <br /> <br /> Aunt Flo came today on CD 25. Last month my
cycle was only 19 days long. My body is so messed up it doesn't know
what's going on anymore. I've had all sorts of bloodwork done,
including a sonohystogram, and everything appears normal. <br /> <br /> I
know at this point that having a baby will not 'fix' me or make things
better. I'm missing three babies. There is no fixing that. <span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> <br />
I'm terrified of becoming pregnant again, though. I'm terrified to go
through all of this again. I don't know if my heart could take it. <br /> <br />
The feeling of emptiness is so overwhelming at times. I've got so many
friends who are due in the next 8 weeks it's just unfair. How many
times do I have to tell people that I'm SUPER happy for them, I'm just
<span style="font-weight: normal;">so</span>. incredibly. <span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><u>sad</u></i></span>. for me?</span></span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-71989558933458430522013-07-25T12:56:00.001-05:002013-07-25T12:56:04.719-05:00Difficult DaysI stumbled upon this post via pinterest and has some AMAZING points on helping parents through some difficult days after miscarriage. It's a very quick read and will truly help you understand the pain parents go through. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.lindsey-bell.com/2013/06/difficult-days-for-miscarriage-survivors.html?m=1">http://www.lindsey-bell.com/2013/06/difficult-days-for-miscarriage-survivors.html?m=1</a><br /><br />I can tell you that points 1, 2 and 3 were especially hard for me the beginning of this year. Almost unbearable even though I was expecting again. Number 5 was so true. Todd even said he felt I wasn't excited about my pregnancy at all. I was numb and I was trying to protect myself emotionally. Number 6 is more true than I'd like it to be, but I rejoice in their blessings. <br /><br />This is not something I'd ever wish upon anyone. EVER. I really do hope there will be more understanding in the future. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-14546215951292030802013-07-25T12:44:00.003-05:002013-07-25T12:44:28.566-05:00Dear Lord<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-88683213898137866242013-07-19T18:20:00.002-05:002013-07-19T18:22:21.219-05:00It's Been Two Weeks<br />
As she walks on the city streets with a broken heart and tear stained cheeks<br />
Holding on to the hope that someone’s listening<br />
She looks to the stars above as they barely shine thru the evening fog<br />
Takes her mind of the fact that she’s stopped breathing<br />
<br />
And she thinks back to the days before hope had slipped away<br />
To a time when life was still worth living<br />
Like the thief who called out his name<br />
Will you please remember me<br />
She is crying out Jesus save me<br />
<br />
So I raise my hands and call out on your name<br />
My heart is yours and I’ll never be the same<br />
Does your grace still save or am I on my own<br />
I hear you say<br />
You’re never too far never too far gone never too far gone<br />
I hear you say you’re never too far gone<br />
<br />
So I raise my hands and call out on your name<br />
My heart is yours and I’ll never be the same<br />
Does your grace still save or am I on my own<br />
I hear you say<br />
You’re never too far never too far gone never too far gone<br />
I hear you say you’re never too far gone<br />
<br />
You’re never too far gone <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/skSmiEtSh1w" width="459"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-43912408109091346482013-07-16T22:54:00.002-05:002013-07-16T22:54:50.988-05:00How Do I Move Forward?This question has been on my mind an awful lot lately. How does one simply <i>accept</i> what happened and move on? The pain of what should have been and what won't be are inescapably overwhelming.<br />
<br />
Back in January, I shared that <a href="http://shortandsweetmama.blogspot.com/2013/01/god-changes-hearts.html" target="_blank">God had changed my heart</a>. That I was open to whatever he chose our family size to be. After all, if He gave us the surprise pregnancy of twins, he wants our family to grow, right? That becoming pregnant with Solomon was his will, too? That the desire to have my womb filled with life again was given to me by God himself? <br /><br />I am just so confused as to how God is working this all out. One loss, I understand. Losing both twins, I understand that, too. Losing a third baby is just a bit more than I can handle. <br /><br />So now we pray, AGAIN, for God's will in our lives. I pray that he will give us direction. <br /><br />At night, I pray through my tears for answers. Almost every time I feel God interrupting me with just two words: <b>TRUST ME</b>!<br />
<br />
As I sit here typing I'm experiencing 'phantom kicks' which are a terrible reminder. For a brief moment I get excited thinking I feel a little person in me. Then reality kicks in and the harsh reality of what happened in brought back. I feel empty. I feel useless. I feel alone. <br /><br />What does this TRUST feel like? What does it look like? What do I <i><b>DO</b></i> now?<br /><br />Each day I do my best to pour my love into the blessings we have earth side. I hug them as much as I can and let them know that they are loved. That they are precious and we are SO thankful for them. <br /><br />Even with those precious reminders of how blessed we truly are, I still. feel. stuck.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-14157427625022512382013-07-10T23:56:00.002-05:002013-07-11T00:05:39.513-05:00One Week Later: July 10thIt still feels like a dream. A nightmare. I knew that the possibility was there. I never let myself get too attached. I didn't really believe I was pregnant. <br />
<br />
I don't know if I ever felt movement, but I knew I was pregnant. The pregnancy tests and the ultrasounds proved it.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-45urXtuOzPk/Ud4ejiDyy2I/AAAAAAAABFc/KXDmwVzBK_M/s1600/6+weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-45urXtuOzPk/Ud4ejiDyy2I/AAAAAAAABFc/KXDmwVzBK_M/s400/6+weeks.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">6 weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DsnVjU2v03s/Ud4ekOsF6KI/AAAAAAAABFk/qj43GnszTy4/s1600/11+weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="301" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DsnVjU2v03s/Ud4ekOsF6KI/AAAAAAAABFk/qj43GnszTy4/s400/11+weeks.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">11 weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I was excited to share a due date month with many friends; from church, our homeschool group and online friends I had met in previous birth groups. It was starting to feel real. I was getting a <a href="http://shortandsweetmama.blogspot.com/2013/06/first-belly-pic.html" target="_blank">bump</a>, had crazy nasty heartburn and had cravings that Todd couldn't keep up with. I was up at night to pee, had a hard time sleeping, all those wonderful, joyous parts of having a living, growing being within you. Marvelous. <br />
<br />
July 3rd brought 19 weeks and the *BIG* anatomy scan. So thankful that Todd was able to go with me. <br />
<br />
We got to the center early. We were both incredibly nervous. <br />
<br />
When we were called back to the room, I noticed the tech was new. So new, she was still being trained in. Thankfully, the tech monitoring her was one I was very familiar with. She found a <a href="http://shortandsweetmama.blogspot.com/2012/11/trust.html" target="_blank">twin</a> last time and was the one to tell us it wasn't living. She also did several other scans for us, both last time and this pregnancy. I was so happy to see her. <br />
<br />
I laid down, the newbie tech started scanning, and was having a hard time. The other tech, I'll call her 'M', said "frequency is your friend." I thought it was cute, but I knew it wasn't good. As soon as that wand hit the belly, it should have showed something. So M took over. She moved the screen away from Todd and I, and was pressing rather hard. She had to move the head of the bed down, and I just knew.<br />
<br />
I just knew...<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry" is what we were told. It happened again. I sobbed. Todd sobbed.<br />
<br />
It happened again.<br />
<br />
I asked M to see if she could tell the sex and she couldn't. I asked her to measure baby as best as she could, and the measurements came out to around 16 weeks. That means baby had been dead, inside me again, for three weeks. Three weeks. No wonder I didn't feel movement...<br />
<br />
We got to see our baby and she was able to get a picture printed out for us.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cPH0ZbKBsf8/Ud4ek3xRYiI/AAAAAAAABFw/BPtnxS6kefs/s1600/19+weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cPH0ZbKBsf8/Ud4ek3xRYiI/AAAAAAAABFw/BPtnxS6kefs/s400/19+weeks.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Head is tucked in, hands are by the face and legs are curled up in the fetal position.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I got up, and immediately felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn't take it. After getting myself together, I knew what had to be done. <br />
<br />
See, we were planning to do a gender reveal with the kids. They were so excited to be adding to our family. The boys were, obviously, hoping for a brother and the girls were hoping for a sister. Natalie had even said several prayers asking God for it to be a girl. So cute. Needless to say, going home and telling them was hard.<br />
<br />
They took it well. Much better than last time. I think it's still sinking in, though. I don't know that the older kids really thought it was going to happen this time. <br />
<br />
Todd and I knew what we had to do. I messaged my midwife, who was on her way to Tennessee to visit family for the 4th Of July. She called the local clinic and talked with someone about having us at the hospital for a delivery. Our dear friends were willing to watch our kids, so they were covered. We snuggled our kids, packed our bag (something we knew we needed to do after last time) and headed to the hospital. <br />
<br />
Because I was being seen for a home birth, I had no reason to register at the hospital. Never mind that I was not far enough in gestation for it to be a viable birth, I needed to register at the Family Birthing Center. Name and birth date given to the woman at the desk; primary care physician, OB (or in my case, midwife) and reason for admittance (induction). <br />
<br />
She obviously didn't see my belly, nor did she have my files to see how far along I was. She took out a sheet of paper from her filing cabinet and said "<i>this is a release for your baby</i>." I about died. My heart was already broken and I have to go through this? I told her this was an induction for a loss, to which she said, "<i>so there will be no baby</i>?" No. There will be no baby for me to take home. Again.<br />
<br />
We make our way from the registration area to the desk in the FBC. They still had not received any information from my provider, so they put me in the first room available. One of the closest rooms to the door. You know, the door that everyone goes through to visit their family members who just had a baby. Yeah. You get the picture. Joyous talk. Kids skipping up and down the hallways. All things you'd expect when you're going to see someone and their beautiful new baby.<br />
<br />
Our nurse was fabulous. Super sweet and tender. She happened to be part of the bereavement support group through the hospital. Just the right person to have on board. <br />
<br />
My first dose of cytotec, used to ripen the cervix and aide in dilation, was at 10pm. A lot later than we had hoped. We knew this process could take a while. The OB even said he's seen it take a couple of days. Last November, it took one dose of cytotec and roughly 5 hours. That time, however, my body had already started the miscarriage process. This time, I was closed and tight. <br />
<br />
I was moved to a room that was much further away from the entrance. It happened to be the biggest room the FBC had. I would say a good 40-50% of the room was windows. We had a fabulous view of the Mississippi river. Well, from what we could see that late at night, anyhow. You can see the room on the video <a href="http://www.centracare.com/hospitals/sch/services/pcw/fbc.html" target="_blank">here</a> if you really want to. <br />
<br />
Over the course of the night, I was given a 50mcg dose of cytotec every four hours. Lots of peeing at night due to the IV, so very little sleep was happening. We knew exactly how everything would go, so the fear wasn't as bad this time around. Maybe that part was a bit easier on the nurses? Not having to deal with crazy emotions all night long? <br />
<br />
Morning came. I watched the sun rise over the Mississippi. It was so beautiful. Majestic. Almost beautiful enough for me to forget what was going on. Almost.<br />
<br />
Around 11am I got up to use the bathroom and my water broke. This is the second time it's happened spontaneously. The first time it was for my first miscarriage. ::sigh:: The fluid was a light brown which was indicative of a loss. <br />
<br />
The day was slow. Todd got in a bite to eat, my great aunt stopped by for a visit with flowers and cookies and we received lots of phone calls.<br />
<br />
Later in the evening, I was informed by the nurse that I had received my max dosage of cytotec. Being a VBA2C patient, that was about it. However, the OB on call had done some research and was *comfortable* giving me up to 200mcg doses of cytotec to get me moving along. I knew the risk of rupture was there, but I was being monitored and I felt comfortable with it, so we did another dose. <br />
<br />
We had friends stop in around this time. I knew Todd needed someone other than me and our nurses to talk to. It was nice to have them there. Unfortunately for them, they're a bit queasy, so when the anesthesiologist came in to do the epidural (I didn't need to be a hero), they NEEDED to leave. <br />
<br />
After the epi was placed, I got to wear the lovely blood pressure cuff and heart monitor. The nurse was nice enough to turn my bed around so I could see the fireworks as they were being shot off of a barge on the river. It was really nice to be able to watch. Our kids were just across the river being cared for by other friends of ours. I was sad we couldn't be with them. I was thankful to see the fireworks celebrating our freedom. I was crushed knowing what was to come. <br />
<br />
After the fireworks display, I was starting to itch like crazy thanks to the epidural. Benadryl was given to counteract the epidural. I became VERY lethargic. I tried to talk to our friends who made it back up after the fireworks, but my brain was moving much faster than my lips, making me very entertaining to listen to. I heard the three of them cracking up a few times. Unfortunately, the benadryl made me so lethargic/sleepy, that my blood pressure went REALLY low. So every 15 minutes, when the cuff went off to take my bp, it would beep because it was so low. Call in the nurse for a retake, bp is fine, start the whole process over again. It seemed like it was ALL NIGHT LONG.<br />
<br />
7am on the 5th came another shift change, the fourth nurse change. We had the same two nurses the entire time except check in. They were both fabulous. So gentle and understanding. I was too afraid at this point to pee in the toilet, knowing that things were moving along and baby could come at any time. The nurse offered a bed pan to pee in. I felt bad for her, but happy baby wouldn't be delivered in the toilet. <br />
<br />
Around 9:30, she did a cervical check and noticed I was almost there. She did another check a minute later, and found baby. She had baby in her hand and called for the OB. Once the OB was in, she put baby in his hand. He clipped the cord and immediately noticed the cord was thing and stringy. The intern then grabbed baby laid the body in a container on the table. My heart was broken. I was angry at where they put my baby. Sterile. Cold. <br />
<br />
I asked to hold our baby. Our wonderful nursed grabbed a hand knit blanket, scooped baby up and let us have our time. She did check for us and saw we had a boy. She asked if we had a name for him. <br />
<br />
Solomon Joseph. Our son. <br />
<br />
I had picked out a name for a boy and a girl before we had even conceived. Solomon means 'wise' and Joseph means 'God will expand'. Guess He just wanted to expand our heavenly family. Again.<br />
<br />
Todd and I both took our turns holding him...going over all his features. They were so tiny. So beautiful. Just too small. We examined his cord and it was so thin. So thin and VERY twisted. The doctor was fairly confident that this was the reason he passed away. Solomon just didn't get what he needed through the cord and it couldn't sustain him. <br />
<br />
A fluke. Something that shouldn't happen, but did. Something that could happen to ANYONE. <br />
<br />
Our nurse said she'd like to take him to get footprints and measurements. She asked if we would like him back when she was done. Todd and I looked at each other, asking the silent question "do we?" This was our sweet, precious son, but it was just his shell. Just his body. He had been with Jesus for three weeks already. So we let her take him after Todd took a picture. <br />
<br />
We cried and held each other. It wasn't fair. How could this happen? Why would God allow this to happen AGAIN? AGAIN!?!?!<br />
<br />
A bit after another dose of cytotec, the OB was able to work the placenta out. It came out intact which was good. I avoided another D&C. We okayed chromosome testing on baby to see if we could find any other answers. I also had blood work done, six vials worth, to see if anything on my end caused this and if anything could be prevented in the future. <br />
<br />
I don't remember time at this point. It was a few hours later, and the nurse came in to give me a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rho%28D%29_immune_globulin" target="_blank">RhoGham shot</a>. She then stopped the epidural drip and removed my IV. Todd and I stared blankly at each other. I felt like it was all my fault and apologized to him many times over. Deep down I *know* it's not my fault, but after failing to keep THREE babies alive in my womb, how else should I feel?<br />
<br />
Two friends came by with a sweet gift and a sandwich for Todd. It was nice to have a distraction. It was wonderful to have friends pray over us.<br />
<br />
After they left, the nurse brought in our box. <a href="http://shortandsweetmama.blogspot.com/2013/05/from-box.html" target="_blank">ANOTHER box</a>. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t9jZQJsJRMU/Ud4ebv3PQNI/AAAAAAAABE4/-VNok4P3WH4/s1600/P1030348+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t9jZQJsJRMU/Ud4ebv3PQNI/AAAAAAAABE4/-VNok4P3WH4/s400/P1030348+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our nurse, and another nurse whom I actually went to high school with, put together this scrapbook page. It will be framed and hung on our bedroom wall</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pqQcUMp9HNE/Ud4eeH5gEXI/AAAAAAAABFE/7_FU1Dh8EF4/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pqQcUMp9HNE/Ud4eeH5gEXI/AAAAAAAABFE/7_FU1Dh8EF4/s400/4.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Solomon was over an ounce heavier and was two inches longer than our Chelsea, lost at 13 weeks. What a difference three weeks in the womb makes.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QqZVHk7AD4A/Ud4ehdoxYjI/AAAAAAAABFU/Goa8lQ71B3w/s1600/%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QqZVHk7AD4A/Ud4ehdoxYjI/AAAAAAAABFU/Goa8lQ71B3w/s400/%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">His footprints, measurement and a lovely blanket made for us by a local crafting group. So thankful for those women.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9ebvPMUoKo0/Ud4ei5QSixI/AAAAAAAABFo/Ef3YtLxSEtk/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9ebvPMUoKo0/Ud4ei5QSixI/AAAAAAAABFo/Ef3YtLxSEtk/s400/1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This time, with our baby being a bit bigger, we were given a hat. Solomon wore it for a bit. I will treasure it. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
We wanted to increase our family. We felt our family was incomplete. All we wanted was a 'take home' baby this time.<br />
<br />
Instead, we went home with another box.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r-VC-X2w3Dc/Ud4efdBNdqI/AAAAAAAABFI/EzUyJm0kP-k/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r-VC-X2w3Dc/Ud4efdBNdqI/AAAAAAAABFI/EzUyJm0kP-k/s320/3.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-12387466202732270852013-06-30T15:23:00.002-05:002013-06-30T15:33:39.706-05:00Actions speak loudly<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cn1pk_0zXXw/UdCTb7rlQ1I/AAAAAAAABCc/GhFMG-_bCN0/s640/1010939_493500540732659_1594349709_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cn1pk_0zXXw/UdCTb7rlQ1I/AAAAAAAABCc/GhFMG-_bCN0/s400/1010939_493500540732659_1594349709_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Lots of self examination has been happening lately, and examination of other relationships as well. Not only does pain change the person going through it, but others around them as well. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-76673916816795189682013-06-25T20:35:00.000-05:002013-06-27T20:55:44.057-05:00July 3rd can't come fast enoughWe have our anatomy scan scheduled for Next Wednesday, July 3rd. I haven't felt much movement, so I'm REALLY anticipating that appointment. We're also excited to find out what we're having. No, we're not waiting this time. <br />
<br />
I set up a widget on the right for you to vote - boy or girl? I can tell you right now, I haven't had any real thoughts one way or another. No weird dreams, either. Nothing to really hint at baby's sex AT ALL!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-63125584897706168702013-06-18T17:46:00.001-05:002013-06-18T17:46:19.081-05:00Quilting progress<p>Only three rows quilted so far out of 21. Then to do the borders, cut it down and do the edging. This is the twin size. I have yet to do the full. :/</p>
<div class='separator' style='clear: both; text-align: center;'> <a href='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-cHPrjIj33vw/UcDjOIHGmSI/AAAAAAAABCM/h0hb30n44zQ/s1600/CAM00362.jpg' imageanchor='1' style='margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;'> <img border='0' src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-cHPrjIj33vw/UcDjOIHGmSI/AAAAAAAABCM/h0hb30n44zQ/s640/CAM00362.jpg' /> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-17352943262065035782013-06-12T15:52:00.001-05:002013-06-12T15:52:58.479-05:00Cravings<p>I think I saw at least three people post about their cinnamon rolls and it got this prego hungry. </p>
<p>Fresh from the oven... </p>
<div class='separator' style='clear: both; text-align: center;'> <a href='http://lh4.ggpht.com/-0HQqqoZ0iQA/Ubjfp0uQ2QI/AAAAAAAABB0/vXlv9M8JtNE/s1600/CAM00357.jpg' imageanchor='1' style='margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;'> <img border='0' src='http://lh4.ggpht.com/-0HQqqoZ0iQA/Ubjfp0uQ2QI/AAAAAAAABB0/vXlv9M8JtNE/s640/CAM00357.jpg' /> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-73298196325833647402013-06-08T18:22:00.001-05:002013-06-08T18:22:26.624-05:00First Belly Pic<p>Yes, there's a lot of fluff there, but the belly *is* growing. 15 weeks 3 days. </p>
<div class='separator' style='clear: both; text-align: center;'> <a href='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-yu6qYq_FtKw/UbO8sBAbvdI/AAAAAAAABBk/UR04wnD9rFI/s1600/CAM00353-1.jpg' imageanchor='1' style='margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;'> <img border='0' src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-yu6qYq_FtKw/UbO8sBAbvdI/AAAAAAAABBk/UR04wnD9rFI/s640/CAM00353-1.jpg' /> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-26271794013373745312013-06-07T19:22:00.000-05:002013-06-07T19:22:06.292-05:00That's AllThe only concrete evidence I have that my first twin existed are the results of my ultrasound 10/11/12. I don't know why I felt compelled to look at them again, but I did. <br /><br /><span id="WcPatientReportImageViewer1_ReportText"><span style="color: #; font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;"><br /><i><b>INTERPRETATION:</b> <br />Within
the uterus there appears to be a single gestational sac. A yolk sac is
identified. There is a fetal pole within with an adjacent smaller
solid structure as well. This raises the question of a twin pregnancy
with fetal demise of one of the two. The largest structure with cardiac
activity at 195 beats per minute labeled twin A with a mean crown-rump
length of 30 mm corresponding to 9 weeks and 6 days. <br /><br />The smaller structure labeled twin B is 19 mm corresponding with gestational age of 8 weeks and 3 days. No activity. <br /><br />The patient's uterus is retroverted. <br /><br /><b>CONCLUSION:</b> <br />1.
Single living pregnancy identified within the uterus based on the mean
crown-rump length is at 9 weeks 6 days with an EDC 05/10/2013. <br />2.
Within this same sac, is a second more difficult to see structure that
would raise the question of a twin pregnancy. This would correspond to 8
weeks and 3 days. No cardiac activity is identified within. This
raises the question of demise of a twin. </i></span></span><br />
<br />
This is all there is. No ultrasound photo. Just words. <br /><br />I had another scan on November 1. This was just 6 days after miscarrying the first twin.<br /><i><br /><span id="WcPatientReportImageViewer1_ReportText"><span style="color: #; font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">2.
The previous anatomic findings raising suspicion for a twin pregnancy
with demise is no longer seen. There is a septation however. This may
represent further resorption of a previous demise. </span></span></i><br />
<br />
I don't think of it often, but when I do, it hurts. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-88674163447736249732013-06-07T15:02:00.001-05:002013-06-07T17:06:33.281-05:00Retro<p>Austin saw this bike at our Church's garage sale and was hoping to buy it.  On the last day of the sale, he made an offer of $10 (the last in his piggy bank) and the bike was his.</p>
<p>He wants to spray paint it.  I said absolutely not.  I think all of the kids will good some good use out of this bike.</p>
<div class='separator' style='clear: both; text-align: center;'> <a href='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-sEavJYyvY3A/UbI8QWo_c6I/AAAAAAAABBU/fR2heDZdpg8/s1600/CAM00344.jpg' imageanchor='1' style='margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;'> <img border='0' src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/-sEavJYyvY3A/UbI8QWo_c6I/AAAAAAAABBU/fR2heDZdpg8/s640/CAM00344.jpg' /> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-26639586086591717262013-06-06T22:10:00.001-05:002013-06-06T23:17:21.077-05:00First Purchase For BabyI was hesitant to purchase anything because I didn't want to 'jinx' the pregnancy, but I couldn't resist. Crazy 8 was having a great sale!<br />
<br />
We have a shirt for Ian that says 'Lil' Bro' and thought the new shirt would come in handy this winter. ;-)<br />
This past Wednesday marked the 15 week mark for me. We lost our second twin at 15 weeks 6 days. Hoping the next few days fly by and our little sweet pea hangs on.<br />
<br />
At this point, I'm feeling pretty good. No huge complaints other than lack of sleep and crazy mad heartburn that leads to esophageal spasms. Otherwise, the morning sickness is pretty much gone! Yay!<br />
<br />
Just a few more weeks until the big ultrasound. We can't wait!<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-XDh_VKqXULw/UbFPFogqC2I/AAAAAAAABBE/yH7gmsLICRI/s1600/1370574098866.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-XDh_VKqXULw/UbFPFogqC2I/AAAAAAAABBE/yH7gmsLICRI/s640/1370574098866.jpg" /> </a> </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-19211989636361260112013-06-01T23:40:00.001-05:002013-06-04T18:20:32.074-05:00New ProjectAs if I didn't have enough to do. I figured I'd better get some sewing done before all the swelling starts. <br />
The fabric is cut and I've got a few pieces sewn together. I'm making quilts for the girls' beds. They are SO excited!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-PkzQfEr1PWQ/UarMuTCueOI/AAAAAAAABA0/2F_Y52iOZkU/s1600/1370147855858.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" height="480" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-PkzQfEr1PWQ/UarMuTCueOI/AAAAAAAABA0/2F_Y52iOZkU/s640/1370147855858.jpg" width="640" /> </a> </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-599823722053998208.post-37449220921487665672013-05-13T17:50:00.000-05:002013-07-11T00:21:43.510-05:00From the BoxWith today being my due date for my twins, I thought I'd share a bit from the box that I was sent home with. They help to me remember that my babies were real. There is still heart ache in these things for me.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zrldnkOvzZY/UZFnZDvQRNI/AAAAAAAABAI/rk8mnAW4oq8/s1600/CAM00321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zrldnkOvzZY/UZFnZDvQRNI/AAAAAAAABAI/rk8mnAW4oq8/s400/CAM00321.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A small fleece blanket with a crocheted edging and a rattle sheep </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Todd and I snuggled with these after we got home from the hospital. It was hard being home and recovering without having a baby in my arms. These two items brought us a bit of comfort.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GI8TzJxLyFM/UZFnaFzqbtI/AAAAAAAABAY/WF31LgPSxH8/s1600/CAM00324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GI8TzJxLyFM/UZFnaFzqbtI/AAAAAAAABAY/WF31LgPSxH8/s400/CAM00324.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Small foot prints and a crib card</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
The baby wasn't developed enough to tell the sex, so we were told to go with whatever was in our hearts. I cannot tell you how terribly difficult that was.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8WHGaYVhGt0/UZFnZhpj2eI/AAAAAAAABAQ/LObEP6ikPr8/s1600/CAM00323.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8WHGaYVhGt0/UZFnZhpj2eI/AAAAAAAABAQ/LObEP6ikPr8/s400/CAM00323.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful footprints just over a centimeter in size</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The nurse had said she wasn't sure if she'd get footprints, as our baby had already started to decompose (sorry, it's true). So thankful for these two squishy little prints. It proves that our baby was here and was real. <br />
<br />
Yesterday, Mother's Day, was especially hard for me. I felt lonely and my heart ached for my babies. <br />
<br />
Being pregnant surely doesn't take away the pain from my losses. In fact, every little pain and twinge gets my stomach in a knot, wondering if it's going to happen again. <br />
<br />
I have detached myself from this pregnancy quite a bit. I fear that any happiness will be stripped away like last time. I don't know when or IF that will change. <br />
<br />
Todd was sweet and remembered this day would be hard for me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s3pGRpPyLco/UZFs5JYNvkI/AAAAAAAABAo/q_FOVDGcfAw/s1600/CAM00320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s3pGRpPyLco/UZFs5JYNvkI/AAAAAAAABAo/q_FOVDGcfAw/s400/CAM00320.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A wonderful delivery of white lilies this morning</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
My husband knows how important symbolism is to me. Lilies are my favorite.<br />
<br />
White means life...<br />
<br />
I can never go back to before my losses. My heart has forever been changed. I pray for God's protection over this little life inside me and pray it's His will for it to grow and make it to my arms. I don't know what else there is. <br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2