Monday, May 13, 2013

From the Box

With today being my due date for my twins, I thought I'd share a bit from the box that I was sent home with.  They help to me remember that my babies were real.  There is still heart ache in these things for me.

A small fleece blanket with a crocheted edging and a rattle sheep 

Todd and I snuggled with these after we got home from the hospital. It was hard being home and recovering without having a baby in my arms.  These two items brought us a bit of comfort.

Small foot prints and a crib card

The baby wasn't developed enough to tell the sex, so we were told to go with whatever was in our hearts.  I cannot tell you how terribly difficult that was.

Beautiful footprints just over a centimeter in size

The nurse had said she wasn't sure if she'd get footprints, as our baby had already started to decompose (sorry, it's true).  So thankful for these two squishy little prints.  It proves that our baby was here and was real.

Yesterday, Mother's Day, was especially hard for me.  I felt lonely and my heart ached for my babies. 

Being pregnant surely doesn't take away the pain from my losses.  In fact, every little pain and twinge gets my stomach in a knot, wondering if it's going to happen again. 

I have detached myself from this pregnancy quite a bit.  I fear that any happiness will be stripped away like last time.  I don't know when or IF that will change. 

Todd was sweet and remembered this day would be hard for me.

A wonderful delivery of white lilies this morning

My husband knows how important symbolism is to me.  Lilies are my favorite.

White means life...

I can never go back to before my losses.  My heart has forever been changed.  I pray for God's protection over this little life inside me and pray it's His will for it to grow and make it to my arms.  I don't know what else there is.  

Sunday, May 12, 2013


EDD with my twins:  05/13/13
Miscarriage of twin A:  10/26/12
Miscarriage and delivery of twin B:  11/25/2012
EDD of baby Bergren #8:  11/27/2013