Life is not...

Just sitting here at my computer and thinking....it's 12am and I'm lonely.  My husband is at work, my children are in bed, and I'm left with my thoughts.  And my tears.  I'm missing our babies something awful tonight and I'm not sure why.  I've been okay for quite some time now.  I have cried like this in a while.

But I'm sitting here thinking about the women's bible study I'm a part of.  We're reading through What Did You Expect by Paul David Tripp.  What's really stuck out to me so far is life not being tallied in the big things, but in the mundane.  The every day things. THAT is where you REALLY live your life.

In the last few weeks, I've been pouring in to God's word.  Not to heal necessarily, but to learn.  To grow closer to God.  I'm remembering that He has some amazing plans for me and my husband, but for our family. 

I keep thinking of how each little thing we go through grows us and matures us.  One of my favorite Bible verses, and what I do believe is my life verse, is in Romans 5. 

Romans 5

English Standard Version (ESV)

Peace with God Through Faith

5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ² Through him we have also obtained access by faith^[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we^[c] rejoice^[d] in hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

⁶ For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— ⁸ but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹ Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰ For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹ More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

I am in awe of God's promise for us. US!  You, me, and all who believe.  

I have, in my head, an idea of how things should go.  But you know what? I'd prefer things God's way. 

Another passage came to mind a couple of minutes ago:

1 Kings 19:11-13

King James Version (KJV)

¹¹ And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
¹² And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

I've been listening for that still, small voice.  You have to really quiet yourself.  He speaks.  He's not in the fire....