Not sure how to comfort a mom during her loss?

A reader shared a site with me that her friend had posted.  There is SO MUCH information that I'm just scratching the surface.

I have found that a LOT of my friends and family have no idea how to 'handle' me.  Many people haven't even said one word about our losses.  Not even saying "sorry for your losses".  It floors me. 

If you are unsure of what to say/do/not do, I encourage you to check out this link. It's a great start and will help you in supporting a mother and her family through a loss. 

http://www.stillbirthday.com/familyfriends/

Some days are just better than others

Today is just not one of those days.  My mind and my heart are all over the place.  We've got so much going on that I just can't think straight. 

First and foremost is that we're moving this summer.  We have yet to find a place to rent and it's making me sick.  I would REALLY just like to know where and how much so I can start planning and preparing.  It's just not happening. God is saying to WAIT.

Secondly, I'm watching all my friends have their babies.  While it's a blessing and wonderful time to rejoice, my heart is heavy thinking about what I won't have.  I would have been 32 weeks on Monday.  With twins. I would have been just 4-6 weeks away from meeting the two newest members of our family. 

I dreaded watching this time come and it's here.  I was hoping to be pregnant before March so I'd have a tiny bit of joy of my own.  I know becoming pregnant again won't take away my pain.  I've said it over and over......Its just that the emptiness is SO hard to take sometimes. 

I have friends who are dealing with or have dealt with infertility.  Advice that I've been given from these friends are to not let what I experienced make me bitter.  And I'm not.  However, I think it's hard for people to imagine what came out of me in the hospital.  The tiny, red, lifeless body I held in my hands.

It wrecked me. 

I fear that God will never bless us again in that same way.  I fear that I will never again feel life growing within my body. 

I have a select few friends who know how bad I'm struggling.  I don't want to be a burden, so I call no one.  I ask for nothing.  But people don't know how to 'handle' me.  They'd rather not see me cry, so they say nothing to me. 

In fact, good friends had suggested , instead of constantly talking to them about it, that I see a counselor.  I was floored.  I don't need to talk to someone I DON'T know about the most painful part of my life.  I need good friends to lend their ears.  I need people to love me and not judge me.  I need to talk it out. If I DON'T talk about my babies, I'm afraid I will forget them. 

I don't know when I'll be okay with what happened.  I don't know the timeline God has for my grief.  What I do know is that the wound is still raw. 

Someone else who 'get's it'

I stumbled across a blog from a friends' blog.  She lost twins just days shy of 20 weeks.  Her words ring with truth. Read it.

http://www.hormonal-imbalances.com/2012/05/is-anger-ok/

Lyrics

Killing Me Inside - Crossfade

There's a dream that comes to me
And it whispers all night long
Telling lies of things to be
And makes it all seem wrong
Even sleep is choking me
Am I feeling weak or strong
In the dreams I could not be
But it's killing me inside

It's killing me inside
Killing me inside

There's a dream I cannot see
And it laughs for all too long
Open eyes stare down at me
And it sings the same old song
Now its raining down on me
And I can't believe they're gone
All the dreams I used to see
Is now killing me inside

**yep.  It's been one of those days. This song just happened to be way to fitting.  Heard it for the first time today.

You HAVE to watch this!

Okay, yes, it's the sermon from this past Sunday.  Matthew Molesky, our pastor, has an AWESOME vision and is great with visual presentation.  The passage he used was Luke 6:27–6:36.  WATCH IT!!

'New' car

Due to the fact that Todd's Lumina had seen better days, we decided that we needed to get a 'new' vehicle.  You know, one that doesn't have a hole in the gas tank, has heat, and won't overheat.  Just some MINOR things.
 

After I won the test drive from Miller Auto (a year and a half ago?) I fell in love with the Altima.  I thought it was rather impossible to find what we wanted and didn't have 160,000+ miles on it.  But, thanks to a wonderful friend who crunched the numbers for us, we now have our own 2005 Altima.  With only 88,000 miles on it.  Woot!

We now have a vehicle that should last us for MORE than just a few years.  Praise God for his provisions. 

Life is not...

Just sitting here at my computer and thinking....it's 12am and I'm lonely.  My husband is at work, my children are in bed, and I'm left with my thoughts.  And my tears.  I'm missing our babies something awful tonight and I'm not sure why.  I've been okay for quite some time now.  I have cried like this in a while.

But I'm sitting here thinking about the women's bible study I'm a part of.  We're reading through What Did You Expect by Paul David Tripp.  What's really stuck out to me so far is life not being tallied in the big things, but in the mundane.  The every day things. THAT is where you REALLY live your life.

In the last few weeks, I've been pouring in to God's word.  Not to heal necessarily, but to learn.  To grow closer to God.  I'm remembering that He has some amazing plans for me and my husband, but for our family. 

I keep thinking of how each little thing we go through grows us and matures us.  One of my favorite Bible verses, and what I do believe is my life verse, is in Romans 5. 

Romans 5

English Standard Version (ESV)

Peace with God Through Faith

5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ² Through him we have also obtained access by faith^[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we^[c] rejoice^[d] in hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

⁶ For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— ⁸ but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹ Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰ For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹ More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

I am in awe of God's promise for us. US!  You, me, and all who believe.  

I have, in my head, an idea of how things should go.  But you know what? I'd prefer things God's way. 

Another passage came to mind a couple of minutes ago:

1 Kings 19:11-13

King James Version (KJV)

¹¹ And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
¹² And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

I've been listening for that still, small voice.  You have to really quiet yourself.  He speaks.  He's not in the fire....