Bigger

This was from last week at 37 weeks 5 days.  My next appointment is tomorrow so I'll have an update then. 

Another Kid In Double Digits: 'Little' Nate

My 'little' Nate is a whopping 10 years old today.  Double digits!  A whole decade.  I think he will forever be my 'little' Nate. 

At 10 he
~ still LOVES math and will ask to do math work for fun
~ will play with his calculator for hours
~ doesn't like to watch TV
~ has three pet fish that he takes good care of
~ has a servants heart.  He's always willing to lend a hand and does is happily 
~ has a tender heart.  His feelings are hurt quite easily so he needs a bit more gentle parenting.  He's also quite aware of others' feelings around him. 
~ has been an incredible blessing to our family.  We love this little guy!

 

 

 

Oh, and one more thing.  Why will he always be our 'little' Nate?  This kid still wears size 7 bottoms.  To be honest, the kid is goofy enough to try on, and fits into, his three year old brother's pants.  Yes.   Yes he does.  And yes, we feed him.  ;)

36 Weeks and Counting

I'm tired.
I'm huge.
I hurt.
All normal for 36 weeks gestation, 8th pregnancy, 6th child.

33 weeks in the blue shirt and 35 weeks in the purple shirt.  

Baby has been hanging out breech or transverse for most of the second and third trimester.  At today's appointment he was head down.  Woot!

So far, he is measuring 7lbs7oz with a head circumference in the 98th+ percentile.  Guesses are that he will be around 10lbs at full term.

My biggest hurdle has been the pain and the mental aspect of it all.  I've been seeing a chiropractor for most of my pregnancy.  It's been such a relief.  Unfortunately, I'm so far along with so much relaxin in my body that the adjustments don't hold very long.  I might need a walker at some point if little man stays put much longer.

Mentally, I'm trying to be positive.  Trying to picture us holding a LIVE child this time around.  We're prepping for bringing home baby and we'll go with that.

We will celebrate LIFE.
We will CELEBRATE life.
We WILL celebrate life.

One Day at a Time

33 weeks with our little man. 

Abundantly Blessed

2013 was a VERY tough year for our family.  Even though it didn't feel like it, God was with us every step of the way.  He brought healing from hurt.  He brought hope when everything felt hopeless.  He had a plan for every. little. thing.

It feels as though we lost more than just a life; we lost family and friends along the way.  We felt abandoned when we needed them most.  God brought wonderful things out of that, too.

We moved in September to a rental house in the middle of St. Cloud.  It's not where we necessarily WANTED to be, but God needed us here for SOME reason.  Shortly after we moved, our truck started having issues.  Turns out, we needed to replace our transmission.  The estimate we received to replace it was roughly $2,000.  This was certainly not in the budget.

Back up to the beginning of September.  Our church's Wednesday night program, RAD (Researching God's Word And Developing Godly Character) had begun.  I LOVED helping out last year and felt the need to do so again this year.  What was a truly wonderful thing hurt me. 

See, they didn't *NEED* my help.  They had more than enough.  Why would that hurt, you ask?  Well, I seem to need to be helping in some fashion in order to feel good about myself.  Yes, I know that isn't a good thing.  But it was what it was.  A friend had suggested I meet with their group for a bible study that was happening at the same time so I did.

Well, after the truck issue, I had asked for the group for prayers.  We had been going down a rough road lately and I felt the issues with the truck were going to do me in.  Within a week or two, the truck was no longer drivable and the kids and I were no longer able to make it to Wednesday night at church. 

Not long after, some friends of ours let us in a little something that some folks were going to do for us.  They were going to fix our truck!!  They wanted to make it a surprise, but figured we'd have an issue when our truck went missing.  :P

There was a problem, though.  I'm not used to receiving.  *I'm* the giver.  *I'm* the one who helps.  It's not the other way around.  I'm not good at asking for help and have a hard time receiving it.  I immediately thought, "how on EARTH am I going to repay them?".  Anyone watch The Big Bang Theory and know how Sheldon Cooper reacts towards gift receiving?  Yeah.  That's where I go....

The person who came to pick the truck up and eventually replace the transmission was the leader of the small group on Wednesday nights.  I can only speculate who the other folks are that pitched in but have a good idea. ;)

What an amazing thing that God worked out through this.  How incredibly blessed are we by this amazing group of people from our church?  How GREAT is our God?!?!?

Had I helped with RAD instead of joining the small group, these folks wouldn't have known our need.  Had we not moved, a great group of people wouldn't have helped us out.  I am in awe.

I have prayed for 2014 to be an amazing year.  I have prayed for God's direction and God's blessing on the next 359+ days. 

On January 1 our truck was fixed and home.  Silly me: I wait until the day before the coldest day of the year to take a picture. 

They were all FREEZING but I wanted a picture and they happily (kinda) obliged.

Everyone is SUPER happy to be able to travel TOGETHER as a family again.  While we were without our truck, a wonderful family from church borrowed us their sedan to use so we could all make it to church and family Christmas.

Before we were loaned the car, we had several families picking us up for Sunday school/church time, Wednesday night programs and bible studies.  We have been abundantly blessed by some terrific people at our church. 

Thank you ALL for helping us out in our time of need.  Even if I didn't ask.  Even if it was hard.  THANK YOU!!

The Cheerful Giver

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.  Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  As it is written,

“He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor;
    his righteousness endures forever.”

He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.  For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God.  By their approval of this service, they will glorify God because of your submission that comes from your confession of the gospel of Christ, and the generosity of your contribution for them and for all others,  while they long for you and pray for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you. Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!

2 Corinthians 9:6-15

A Lot to Be Thankful For

A lot of negativity has been floating around in my head lately.  A lot of sadness and self deprecating thoughts.  I honestly don't know how to make them stop or go away.

So I figured an ongoing list of blessings would be a good place to start.  For as many times as the bad things and hard times get me down and make me sad, God has truly been good to us.

I am THANKFUL for (in no particular order);

~ The love and grace of God the father and the redemption through Jesus Christ.   I sin daily.  I don't always ask for forgiveness, but I'm learning to do just that.  I'm learning to love like Jesus did/does.  I'm learning grace.  It will forever be an ongoing process.

~ My husband of 11 years.  He has been such an amazing partner through this last year. I've seen him beaten down by sadness and yet he still picks ME up.  I've seen him grow in the LORD and in godly wisdom and it makes my heart swell.

~ My children.  God has blessed me with five AMAZING children here on earth and three that we will meet in heaven.  I am thankful for their questions, for their eagerness to learn and their soft tender hearts.  I am thankful, too, for their disobedience as it allows me to be changed.  A sweet friend calls children 'little sanctifiers'.  Oh man, is it ever true.

~ A house to live in.  It might not be ours, it might not be perfect, but it's a lot more than others have. It keeps up warm (kinda) and protected from the elements of good ole MinneSNOWta.  It's big enough to have others gather in our home, which means so VERY much to me.

~ Friends.  They are our family.  They have seen us through some downright dreadful things happen to us this past year and we COULD NOT have made it through it without them.

~ Our church family.   Our church has rallied around is this last year.  We've met some phenomenal people who have helped us to grow, who have prayed for us, who have provided meals for us...the list goes on and on.  We even have some wonderfully sweet people driving us to an from church and Wednesday night activities as our transmission is out on our truck. 

~ A running/working vehicle.  Even if it is just one and even if that one won't fit the whole family.  One is better than none, right?  It still gets Todd to and from work.  We're able to run our errands and get half the crew to church on Sunday.

~ Good health.  Aside from little viruses, we are all in good health.  Well, that doesn't count Todd's back issues, but THAT is a work in progess.

~ Todd's job.  It isn't fancy but it pays the bills and put food on the table.  Todd works hard and provides for his family.  I am so proud of him.

~ Young Living Oils.  These oils have made the grief process tolerable/manageable.  They have cut cold times down to a minimum, tamed Aspergers tantrums, shrunken Todd's heel spur, relieved pain in his ankles and back, soothed burns, cut out coughs, stopped grumbly tummies, gotten me off of prescription anti-depressants, allowed me to relax and sleep.  Oh man, the list goes on. 

~ Truth and honesty.  It takes a real friend to lovingly tell you what you need to work on and what you need to cut out.  It takes a real friend to pray you through your hard times.  

~ The bible.  So much wisdom and love is within it's texts. 

~ Family.  As hard as this one is for me, there are a *few* people in our families who truly love us and wish the best for us, without conditions.  I have come to learn that family doesn't always mean blood, and I will leave it at that.

Though You Ruin Me

I've been trying to figure out what God is wanting me to learn through this last year.  What on EARTH is going ON?!?!? 

It has all felt so meaningless.  So miserable.  SO HURTFUL!!!

Why would someone who loves me continue to tear me apart? 

I may never have that complete answer.  What I do know, is that He's changing me. 

Romans 5:2-5

English Standard Version (ESV)

² ...and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Hope.  There is hope. Right?  How do I feel it?  When does it come?  I will be able to rejoice in my sufferings.....

Okay, so God is refining me.  He's producing character.  He's producing hope.

What I know is that my God has suffered.  He sent HIS son to die for sins I haven't even committed yet!!  I know He's cried tears of pain.  He knows. 

He Knows.

A friend sent me a link to a youtube video which has been AMAZING for my heart.  It's a song by Shane & Shane called "Though You Slay Me".  It features John Piper.  His message shoots me through the heart.  PLEASE take a few minutes to watch it. 

Seriously.  Watch it....

I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who's broken
The one who's torn me apart
You struck down to bind me up
You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering
Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who's all I need

This has last year has been a TOUGH year.  Lots of unknowns.  Lots of ups and downs.  Clinging to His word.  His hope.  What else is there? 

October 26th was the one year mark for miscarrying our first twin.
November 25th was the day I delivered our second twin, leaving my womb empty.  ACHING. 
November 27th was Solomon's due date.

Please, friends, will you pray for us?  Pray that we can see and feel this hope.  Pray that we can see the SONshine through the rain.  Pray that we can glorify God through all of this.  Pray that we are open and accepting of His will for our lives.  'Cause I'll be honest, *I* feel as though I'm failing.  Miserably.

I know I'm a broken record sometimes, but I need to process a lot of this still.  There are 5 women, whom I know personally and call friend, that are having babies in the next few weeks.  One just had hers this past weekend.  Add several more facebook friends to that list.  Some I met on birth boards from previous pregnancies, and some from the November 2013 group.  Can you pray that jealousy will not enter my heart?  Can you pray for courage to congratulate these friends?  Can you pray for the smallest mending of my heart? 

I am stuck and need strength.